Work place haiku - it makes it a littles less akward and prevents you from staring.

Ties were invented
To hide the huge moose knuckle
Of your co-workers.

Louie knows what's up

Chance favors the prepared mind.
Pneumonia favors the young and the elderly.

Trouble -

Who knew that trying to sell "1 Child Shaped Object" on eBay would cause such a commotion?

Terrible

Like a bulimic girl at a Sunday brunch- it was nice, but I didn't get much out of it.

The Burrito

The burrito is the most efficient nutrient delivery system.

The Only Thing That Matters

When I play doctor, I play to win.

The Best Daily Away Message For Your Friends

Some times the best daily away message is a link to a great site that your friends will love.

I Bought a Roomba -

I bought a Roomba on woot.com
It cleans my room all day long.
At night, sleep with one eye open.
Never trust a robot.

Can't wait to buy iRobot Scooba.
Two Robots, two eyes.
God was wise.

So a Lawyer and a Doctor

A lawyer and a doctor walk into a bar and that's how the movie "Total Recall" was made.

The Times, They Are A-Changing

I volunteered at a homeless shelter yesterday. Nobody uses bindles anymore.

Mail time

Mail time was always much more fun on Blue’s Clues than it really is sitting in this cubical.

Going Nowhere

And so, like a puppy thrown into a well, we're stuck here- going in circles.

Idea from Steve!

When you are at out a restaurant, diner or eating establishment that has a napkin dispenser on the table. Take out half of the napkins and place them on the table. Take 1 napkin and proceed to write:

"Help I am trapped in a napkin factory"

5 Year olds - deadly, dangerous, determined

How many five year olds could you take if:

1. You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
2. You are not allowed to touch a wall.
3. When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
4. Someone intent on seeing to it you fail gets to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
5. The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.